Sajha.com

I got up scared this morning. Unusual time for me to get up. I am know there’s a brunch gathering today but its too early. I am a late night person required by my job. My head spins for some weird feeling.
I got up scared, scared by my own life, scared of my day, scared of schedules, scared of my newly found waiting job(just passed the test after three nights of worthless training which makes me feel like as if I have just graduated from Harvard or something).
I am scared of money, mostly scared. My money spending ratio is double than what I make. Being a careless spender, I am normally broke but this time sucks, I am really scared.
I am scared, scared of paying my rent, bills on time. I just don’t have any resources to cover it. I tend to live a very simple life. I am not a big money spender(since I am broke), I prefer to be low key, just buying cigs and bud , foods and stuffs. I hate being poor, I wish if I was just one of those high flying corporate bankers who make thousands in seconds. I fit for that job too, I got qualifications, manners and skills which can be improved. I don’t k now where I am lacking. I am scared of my phone right now. My phone line is about to be cut soon, I haven’t bothered to open previous mail(second notice) for not to add new headache.
Being unemployed is quiet fun as well an unwanted disaster. Worst part is when one leaves voluntarily seeing and ignoring the upcoming consequences.
I am sick and tired of going through scary mails sent by these merciless companies, offering more plastics and later rob me. I am paying the fruit right now, I don’t want anymore cards. Suddenly I feel my wallet, the hole is growing up, nothing is coming in. I feel sweat. I am scared, its hot. I reach for water and gulp it down, it taste awful, left next to my bed since last night. My mouth gets much drier. May be it was the sweet Chinese food
I was eating last night and forgot to drink any water, thanks to pot. I try to lay down and relax my mind for couple of minutes, plan the day, budget the day and try the best possible way to avoid my phone line service off.
First thing I do nowadays is to check my voice mail although there are none. Nobody calls me seven in the morning but I do still check it just to make sure my phone line is still alive for the day. I feel victory and want to celebrate. I am proud of myself for carrying over my line to different phone service provider. I hated pervious one, they loved to cut the line, my only true access to the outside world.
Of course I know money don’t fly, it just doesn’t come and knock my door. I gotta work to make money but I hate my job. I hate my line of work. It was never my first choice, I still amuse at myself for not knowing how I even started this line, may be I guess since I had to start somewhere, it just came in front that moment. Nobody every told me which was a best crash job to do while earning decent money. I lacked creative people around. I had no mentor, I became my own. Price was hard, I learnt from my mistakes . I think I am done with it but I am too confused to realize at the same time.
That water had awful taste. Its too early to be frustrated. I look back at my bed, it looks ugly. I am sleeping on this futon for like six months. My real bed is some sort of new art deco wall mounted design for my new roommate who gladly accepted to keep my it inside his room. I feel poor. I feel bad for myself. Why don’t I just start making money and live rich. Who doesn’t dream of living in paradise world? Who doesn’t want to ride lamborghini? I get jealous nowadays, I feel mad at people..
My morning guilt fills inside. I think I am screwed. There is no way I can make enough money just to save my ass from danger within that short period. I am screwed, period. money is killing me. It was suppose to be the last priority for me, but unfortunately its first now.
I feel like napping for a second, forget all worries. I dream of being in “temporary financial trouble” in which the worst case scenario can be exciting. My landlord will be pissed off but probably wont kick me out , phone line, electricity will be cut off, more like I am living back in stone age or something. Dreaming is good, its fruit forward, gives lots of confidence to me while I am dreaming. I start dreaming of being king of the jungle full of wild animals, I am hunting, fishing, running around naked. I got no barriers here, no one can stop me, I feel like a free bird. I want to stay here forever, I want to call this is my life and let me leave alone.
My lovely futon’s big crack suddenly wakes me up scared again. I feel caved within these four walls. Money is hunting me, I am chasing after a worthless job, I am running confused, I am scared. I head to the shower.

   [ posted by unknown guy @ 01:05 PM ] | Viewed: 1210 times [ Feedback]

When I got up this morning I was sweating badly. Having multi shots of vodka and couple of beers last night was like its winter lets put blankets on, but no, I was fucking wrong. It was just too hot.
Ok, its 8 am , I am up. I am fucking up and bored. I looked out from my balcony. That beautiful greek church has something going on .its Sunday so, I don’t know they got those tents and stuff. I got little excited but I am in no mood to go out there.

Here is my Sunday times, I love it, I am reading it very happily and drinking my tea( I make once a week).first cup is gone, I boil same old tea again and again, I don’t care whether its old or not, I just like it , so I don’t give a fuck. I am drinking it.
Ok, since I am bored, how about some kenny g, love that bastard. He makes me cry sometimes. I don’t know who created music but he did an awful thing. Fucking awful. Saxophone , tea, paper, morning air , I think it’s a perfect Sunday morning for dumbass like me because I got nothing to do whole day.
Oops, here goes the church bell, wow, love it, now paper, tea, music, morning fresh air, my roommate’s awful snoring + church bell. Can I ask for anything more? Fuck no
in the beginning, it was just bells but now its songs too, they are fucking loud .its not even familiar English Sunday morning prayers, its all Greek and that too fucking loud. How the fuck am I going to enjoy my perfect morning which comes once a week if I have some weird Greek in back of my ears? But do I have a choice? I cant even leave my apartment and go on walk because I am fucking broke . I cant even afford to buy anything.
My best options are , lock the door, and drink same old tea again( I am too lazy to make new one, I am bored). And go through sports section. I fucking hate that. Or may be masturbate? That’s a fantastic idea but why the fuck do I have to masturbate on perfect Sunday morning?

Anyways folks, they are still singing in some weird language , they are too loud. Did I mention I also have elevated train next to me? Oh god, I get free trainpop every 5 minutes. ccccccsssss.....cccs...s...c.s.
Why don’t they fucking put silencers under train wheels , so that people who live next to them can live and sleep in peace? PEACE? Oh, that’s a bad work to use .how the fuck can I think of peace when whole fucking world is fighting with each other. I think its appropriate for HEAVEN only, since, I have never been there.

Ok, I am going to boil my tea again , and read Sunday styles and check out “wedding celebration”. Its lots of fun. But one thing I never understand is why the fuck sometimes they put only either bride or bridegroom’s pic? I mean if you are getting married then why not couples pic?

Can someone explain?

Am i being too American? i guess not, since we all have adapted culture here. i am just bit frustrated.

   [ posted by unknown guy @ 07:56 PM ] | Viewed: 1258 times [ Feedback] (1 Comment)

Dusshasan was voted as the greatest idiot because he was pulling and pulling he saree of Draupadi...instead of lifting it.

   [ posted by unknown guy @ 11:05 AM ] | Viewed: 1790 times [ Feedback]